Falling into the well

Results was out days ago and i was still emotionally wreak and wasn't ready or even want to wake up from reality and realise that i fail my exams and need to take another half year extra than others. I cry, i moan,i groan and i sulk but it still doesn't change the fact that i fail MY FUCKING FINALS BADLY!!!!!! It was like falling down the pit knowing there's no way out and you were left alone there, in that dark little corridor....

I was still so hype and happy of my shopping spree i went on sunday when i dind't realise that i was looking at my results when it states Z all over. I was speechless, shock and couldn't think properly of what i'll do next. I was dumbfounded sitting there stoning and staring blankly at my freaking comp...

I kept questioning myself.Where have i gone wrong?What pull me down?Did i answer wrongly?How can i fail?I can really say that I put 100% effort in the finals coz i know the percentage of failing is high and i try bulkle up hoping i'll pass everything. In the end, my high hopes of passing went crashing down after i seen my results. I cried histerically in front of my comp that my maid came rushing thinking i was in pain. Needless to say, she quickly run away after i said nothing. She was quite understanding and took little time to notice that i wasn't experiencing any physical pain....just my heart.....

My sis fren came that day too and she f*cking piss me off. Came into the room and ask me to buzz off after my results. I was damm emo already and she still came in bossing me around. I wanted to throw tantrum but her frens was in my room and needless to say, she saw my eyes all puff up and red. I hate her so much that moment i wanted to slap her face left and right but controlling myself, i walked out cursing repeating and slamming the door shut wif a loud BANG!!!!

I not sure how many times i teared up but after 2days of consulling from my parents and my besties. I decided to move on and get a life. I got this urge of quitting the course and my mum was so concerned she quickly ask me to reconsider and we HAD A LOONG talk afterwards. On that day, i felt stupid and useless coz i couldn't pass those freaking paper and all i could do was cry everytime someone mention my exams. I even blurted out"i'm stupid" repeatly until my mum got scare she quickly ask me to sleep it off to calm my nerves.

The next day, my eyes was so swollen that i couldn't really open my eyes when i woke up. I lay there still thinking of yesterdays incidents and was snaped back to reality that it wasn't a nightmare and i need to face it and not by avoiding and quitting the game. it's like sour loser having no pride.

On the brighter note, i realise how caring and understanding they can be. I felt closer to them now than i had for the pass years especially wif my dad who is now working hard just to fund for my studies. i felt bad that i'm not performing well. they gave me so much and i return so little. They gave me all i want, myvi, hp and cloths and i gave them this!!!! my heart soared so much it's like ppz stabbing me repeatly on my chest.

After my results, i screwd my family trip and i felt like i was to blame for my stupidity.gosh!!! all coz i FUCKED UP on my exams...

Fuck exams, fuck the examinar who mark our papers and fuck taylors who always have high percentage of failing. Fuck ALL those ppl connected to finals.Damm emo now...

i'm still trying hard to reply my dad's email but afraid of what would happen and i always tear sorrowly everytime i look at his words.Telling me that ppl fall and make mistakes but it's how you stand and get up that matters in the end...

That phrase really woken me and thus it would be my own motivation phrase whenever i fall...

I LOVE YOU,DAD!!!!!!!!!

*sorry for the vulgar words thou i don't use it often,only to express my emotional feeling at the mo.